I'm a member of a local mom's group, as I'm sure a lot of moms are. The group communicates by email and all us moms share deals around town, where to find the best plumber, contractor, dentist, pediatrician, etc. and offer advice to other moms who are trying to figure out a particular mom problem. One of the issues that tends to come up almost cyclically (probably at least four times a year) is how to get a three year old to go to sleep in his/her own bed. Since we just worked our way through this with CLG, I decided to reply (well, actually I decided to reply after one mom suggested massages and another melatonin...for the kid, not the mom!!), and realized, hey, this is a pretty good blog post! And so here it is:
Ahhh, getting a three year old to go to sleep. We've just
worked our way through this, too, with our youngest one. Three year
olds are great draggers of feet! LOL! Both mine stopped napping
around 3, so that did make my life easier. But they do like to push
their limits with the bedtime routine. We stuck closely to our
routine, and if the kids tried to stray, we'd gently put them back on
course. We are strong proponents of the 5 Bs: Bath, Brush, Bathroom,
Book, Bed. We give plenty of time to get it done, no rushing through
this, but everyone stays focused on the task at hand. We do not
generally clean up the toys and such before, during or after this
routine. Cleaning up toys happens before dinner, we eat dinner, and
then, depending on the bedtime of the child, we start the bed time
routine (our son is older now, so he doesn't go to bed quite as early
any more, but we still only allow quiet reading/drawing before bed
usually). We stick closely to our routine, and if the kids try
to stray, we gently put them back on course. "I need a drink of
water" doesn't stop the routine, because we either tell the kids
they'll have a drink when they brush their teeth, or we remind them
that they just had a drink when they brushed. That kind of thing. We
do sometimes have issues with teeth brushing, though, and then we get
a bit firmer. If a child is refusing to brush his/her teeth, we
explain that he/she either can get the teeth taken care of or there
will be no book. This generally does the trick, but only because when
it didn't do the trick, we took the book away. It doesn't matter how
much they scream, if the teeth don't get brushed (or there's any sort
of outright refusal to get the routine done), the child doesn't get a
book. It makes for a louder (ie the kid is screaming and crying)
bedtime, but we figured out a way to deal with that too (see below).
Once the child
is in bed, he/she says prayers, gets kisses and hugs and maybe a
little song, and that's it. Any other discussion can be done during
the bath and brushing parts of the program (we like to discuss what
we did that day and what we're doing the next day). If one of the
kids acts up and is out of bed or screaming, there's a routine for
that too. The first time I get up right away and remind him/her it's
bedtime. Pick him/her up and tuck him back into bed. No kissing, no
hugging, no talking beyond saying it's time for bed. Second time
around, he/she gets no conversation at all, just gets put back in
bed. And that continues until he/she stays in bed. And believe me,
there's been many a night where I just sat on the floor by the door
for a half hour to an hour until the kid stays in bed! But they learn
that bed is the place to be and where they're going to end up
regardless of whatever wandering they would like to do!
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It's called a bed! You sleep in it! |
If there's any
yelling, screaming, asking questions (of any sort...don't fall for
the "Could you get me a drink of water?" play...that seems
to be a specialty of three year olds!), anything like that, again, I
go up right away and remind the child it's time for bed and tuck
him/her back in. Nothing else, no yelling, no other talking, no
hugging no kissing! If he/she continues to scream and/or ask for
stuff, I just go out of the room and wait 5 minutes or so, then I go
back in and try again to tuck him/her back in. If it works, great, if
it doesn't back out again for another 10 minutes this time. Keep
increasing the time in between by 5 minutes or so. Sometimes, they
just are so tired that they need to yell, I think. But make sure to
go in there when they settle down and tuck them in...I think they
also need that tucking in and face wiping to really settle in.
And if you
don't want the child in the bed with you any more, for goodness sake
don't let him/her sleep in your bed any more!! If the child gets up
in the middle of the night and wants to get into bed with you, remind
him/her about his/her own bed, lead the child back to the bed, and
tuck him/her in. No hugs, no kisses, just a reminder about his/her
own bed. If he/she gets out and comes back in, just bring him/her
back, no talking this time, and tuck him/her in. And repeat, repeat,
repeat. If there's any screaming, crying, or yelling involved, but
they're staying in bed, great! Just see above to see how we dealt
with screaming and crying. It's tough on you the first few times, but
if you let the child back into your bed, it'll be 20 times harder the
next time because he/she will try longer to see if you give in.
Believe me, I know with this one...my husband always let my youngest
into bed, which worked fine for him because she stopped bugging us,
but was not fine for me because she basically shoved me out of bed. I
like my snuggles, but not at 2 am when I need my sleep!
As far as
monsters and bad dreams go, the only things that have worked for us
is a bit of imagination. These things are coming from their
imagination, so we figured we'd fight the monsters with our
imagination :). I made monster spray (just water and glitter), which
I would spray around the room whenever that worry came up. Monster
spray works for at least a week and is guaranteed to keep all
monsters away for at least that long (after I spray it, I always ask
if I missed any spots). Bad dreams are a tough one, though. I do give
lots of hugs and kisses after a bad dream, but at one point it was so
bad that my son was waking up constantly and working his way into not
wanting to go to sleep at all. In a fit of desperation, I grabbed
this tiny stuffed dog and frantically yelled out, "This is Good
Dream Doggie!! When he's with you, you don't have any bad dreams!".
My son stopped crying, rolled over and went to sleep without bad
dreams. I was shocked...but it worked for us!
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Thank Heavens for little doggies! |
Oh, and if
there's a really bad thunderstorm that wakes the kids up, all bets
are off...both kids usually end up in bed with us getting loads of
hugs, kisses, and whatever else they need. But you can bet the next
night they're back in their own beds!!